Feelings of insecurity are very deep rooted and it is not easy to let go of them. Insecurity is an extremely draining emotional phenomenon which affects our personality in ways we cannot imagine. Harbouring long term insecurity and ignoring it can lead to total distortion of an individual's general worldview. Constant despair, dejection, anxiety followed by social withdrawal and a general feeling of discontentment with everything that's happening in and around one's life are some of the debilitating impacts of suppressed insecurity.
The best way to combat insecurity is to understand what triggers it. There are a few major causes that trigger insecurity which we may not always realise:
1. Traumatic experiences of the past.
Walk down your memory lane and you may chance upon a few pebbles that you stumbled over. You still remember how you fell, right? You can't tell whether it was the road that slapped your face or it was your face that actually did the slapping. Whatever it was, it left scars. Or maybe a broken nose that now looks fine but hasn't yet healed completely. Don't take me literally. All I meant to say is, you might have experienced instances of unpleasantness in your past, like getting rejected at an audition or being laughed at or booed when you tried to perform on stage. Well, ouch! We all know it hurts. It hurts real bad. And it's not something that can be forgotten easily. Incidents like these destroy our self esteem and scar us forever. Even years later when you go up on stage, the entire incident plays on replay by default and you instantly feel weak at the knees and try to back out. You try your best to keep away from doing the things that brought you shame. Now that's insecurity.
2. Rejection by partner or love interest.
It's not always rainbows and butterflies. And even after you have tried your best or given your all you may be unable to satisfy your partner. I once had a friend, let's call her Demi, who according to popular conventions was what one can safely call an epitome of 'perfection'. She was not only intelligent but also damn smart and attractive. I knew her personally so I can tell that there was more to her than just her looks and intellect. She was extremely kind and empathetic too, the kind of girl every man wants! But two years into a seemingly 'perfect' relationship, she was cheated on by her guy who we all had once believed would be the last guy on Earth to cheat on a girl like Demi. It's been a year, and Demi still has cold feet when she thinks of getting into another relationship. She has not only developed a general dislike for men but she also flinches at the idea of falling in love again. The girl who used to turn heads when she walked into a room now tries to keep away from social gatherings as best as she can. Insecurity wins!
3. Fear of failure.
Remember the time when you came last in that extempore contest? Yeah, of course you remember! Cause that's all you do, you remember the time you came last and never want to hold the mic again. In spite of being a fantastic speaker you don't want to speak ever again because four years ago you had come last in some silly extempore contest that nobody remotely remembers today. You're afraid you'll fail again. You're afraid there are others who are better than you. So, instead of just bettering yourself to put up a tough fight against them, you have taken a permanent seat in the audience. You can't lose if you don't try, right? Hence, you've happily stopped trying. Because you now firmly believe that the one way to avoid failure is to not try in the first place.
4. Critical parents or partner.
You are one unlucky soul if you fall in this category. I bet your neighbours have kept a track record of all your failures right since you learnt to write A B C because your mum could hardly keep her voice down. I bet you still hate Monty, your next door neighbour's some for scoring A+ in Maths when you were twelve years old and had only managed to bag a C. Monty is unfortunately still the topper, he has not an iota of grudge against you. He's never had any. But you're afraid to bring your girlfriend home because every time Monty sees your girlfriend, even by accident, you think he's gonna cast some love charm on her that will immediately make her super willing to walk out of your life and right into his. You smile at him when he innocently waves at you from his garden, but on the inside you can't help but wish he were dead.
5. Perfectionism or setting extremely high standards for oneself.
Perfect grades, perfect outfits, perfect butts, perfect figure, perfect gait, perfect boyfriend, that's all you want. Anything less than perfect and you start having anxiety attacks. You want to be the best in everything because being second best looks like the greatest insult to you. You can't stand being inferior to anybody in any way. And by chance if your best friend scores the highest in an exam, or the new girl has sharper facial features and better hair, you can't help going green and red in intervals.
6. Unrealistic expectations.
You have unrealistic expectations not only from your own self but also from the others in your life and that can't be a major source of insecurity when these expectations are not met. You expect your boyfriend to be super affectionate to you all the time, cause- Hey! That's what love is supposed to be like! Even if he's got a leech biting on his ass, he's gotta suck it all up and recite a poem or sing a song on how cute you look when you sneeze. And if he doesn't do that, "It's not working out, babe." You think he isn't attracted to you anymore. You assume he's taken a fancy to someone else. Just because he isn't "awww-babying" you anymore.
7. Unhealthy competitiveness.
You've been brought up as a rat and a rat race is the only race you've ever learnt to run. You don't know how to take things slow. You don't know how to sit back and relax. You are always tensed and freaking out. You can't afford to be half a mark behind. And if it's not you who's won then you're sure something is wrong with the game, or with the umpire. The judges were partial perhaps- it was DOWNRIGHT FAVORITISM! You cry down the winner. You cry down the judges, the game, and practically everything. You develop extreme hostility towards the person who has won and you never look each other in the eye and smile across the hallways or wave at each other down the corridors. Or perhaps you lose all the positivity and confidence that you ever had in yourself and have nervous breakdowns before every exam, match or contest, et cetera.
8. Poor body image.
Everything is wrong with your body. It's too hairy in all the wrong places. You've got a few dark spots on your face that look atrocious! You don't have a flat tummy, you are too short/too tall. Hence, you think you don't deserve to be loved. You are scared that once the person you love gets to see all your flaws up close, he'll stop being in love with you. He'll compare you with those fashion magazine models and showbiz celebrities and soon fall out of love with you. Tell me one thing, is he perfect? Does he have the kind of body that male magazine models have? Is he ready to go waxing with you and have his body hair waxed so that you can both be even? Does he have perfect hair, a perfectly spotless face? He DOESN'T! And he doesn't expect you to live up to those shitty unrealistic standards of beauty and perfection either.
AND IF HE DOES, YOU BETTER DUMP HIM RIGHT NOW, AT THIS VERY MOMENT!
I've recently watched a movie on Netflix which has helped me enormously to get over my insecurities and so I'm gonna attach a link of it's trailer right down here. Go ahead, give it a watch. I promise you won't be disappointed. Nappily Ever After (2018) trailer
The best way to combat insecurity is to understand what triggers it. There are a few major causes that trigger insecurity which we may not always realise:
1. Traumatic experiences of the past.
Walk down your memory lane and you may chance upon a few pebbles that you stumbled over. You still remember how you fell, right? You can't tell whether it was the road that slapped your face or it was your face that actually did the slapping. Whatever it was, it left scars. Or maybe a broken nose that now looks fine but hasn't yet healed completely. Don't take me literally. All I meant to say is, you might have experienced instances of unpleasantness in your past, like getting rejected at an audition or being laughed at or booed when you tried to perform on stage. Well, ouch! We all know it hurts. It hurts real bad. And it's not something that can be forgotten easily. Incidents like these destroy our self esteem and scar us forever. Even years later when you go up on stage, the entire incident plays on replay by default and you instantly feel weak at the knees and try to back out. You try your best to keep away from doing the things that brought you shame. Now that's insecurity.
2. Rejection by partner or love interest.
It's not always rainbows and butterflies. And even after you have tried your best or given your all you may be unable to satisfy your partner. I once had a friend, let's call her Demi, who according to popular conventions was what one can safely call an epitome of 'perfection'. She was not only intelligent but also damn smart and attractive. I knew her personally so I can tell that there was more to her than just her looks and intellect. She was extremely kind and empathetic too, the kind of girl every man wants! But two years into a seemingly 'perfect' relationship, she was cheated on by her guy who we all had once believed would be the last guy on Earth to cheat on a girl like Demi. It's been a year, and Demi still has cold feet when she thinks of getting into another relationship. She has not only developed a general dislike for men but she also flinches at the idea of falling in love again. The girl who used to turn heads when she walked into a room now tries to keep away from social gatherings as best as she can. Insecurity wins!
3. Fear of failure.
Remember the time when you came last in that extempore contest? Yeah, of course you remember! Cause that's all you do, you remember the time you came last and never want to hold the mic again. In spite of being a fantastic speaker you don't want to speak ever again because four years ago you had come last in some silly extempore contest that nobody remotely remembers today. You're afraid you'll fail again. You're afraid there are others who are better than you. So, instead of just bettering yourself to put up a tough fight against them, you have taken a permanent seat in the audience. You can't lose if you don't try, right? Hence, you've happily stopped trying. Because you now firmly believe that the one way to avoid failure is to not try in the first place.
4. Critical parents or partner.
You are one unlucky soul if you fall in this category. I bet your neighbours have kept a track record of all your failures right since you learnt to write A B C because your mum could hardly keep her voice down. I bet you still hate Monty, your next door neighbour's some for scoring A+ in Maths when you were twelve years old and had only managed to bag a C. Monty is unfortunately still the topper, he has not an iota of grudge against you. He's never had any. But you're afraid to bring your girlfriend home because every time Monty sees your girlfriend, even by accident, you think he's gonna cast some love charm on her that will immediately make her super willing to walk out of your life and right into his. You smile at him when he innocently waves at you from his garden, but on the inside you can't help but wish he were dead.
5. Perfectionism or setting extremely high standards for oneself.
Perfect grades, perfect outfits, perfect butts, perfect figure, perfect gait, perfect boyfriend, that's all you want. Anything less than perfect and you start having anxiety attacks. You want to be the best in everything because being second best looks like the greatest insult to you. You can't stand being inferior to anybody in any way. And by chance if your best friend scores the highest in an exam, or the new girl has sharper facial features and better hair, you can't help going green and red in intervals.
6. Unrealistic expectations.
You have unrealistic expectations not only from your own self but also from the others in your life and that can't be a major source of insecurity when these expectations are not met. You expect your boyfriend to be super affectionate to you all the time, cause- Hey! That's what love is supposed to be like! Even if he's got a leech biting on his ass, he's gotta suck it all up and recite a poem or sing a song on how cute you look when you sneeze. And if he doesn't do that, "It's not working out, babe." You think he isn't attracted to you anymore. You assume he's taken a fancy to someone else. Just because he isn't "awww-babying" you anymore.
7. Unhealthy competitiveness.
You've been brought up as a rat and a rat race is the only race you've ever learnt to run. You don't know how to take things slow. You don't know how to sit back and relax. You are always tensed and freaking out. You can't afford to be half a mark behind. And if it's not you who's won then you're sure something is wrong with the game, or with the umpire. The judges were partial perhaps- it was DOWNRIGHT FAVORITISM! You cry down the winner. You cry down the judges, the game, and practically everything. You develop extreme hostility towards the person who has won and you never look each other in the eye and smile across the hallways or wave at each other down the corridors. Or perhaps you lose all the positivity and confidence that you ever had in yourself and have nervous breakdowns before every exam, match or contest, et cetera.
8. Poor body image.
Everything is wrong with your body. It's too hairy in all the wrong places. You've got a few dark spots on your face that look atrocious! You don't have a flat tummy, you are too short/too tall. Hence, you think you don't deserve to be loved. You are scared that once the person you love gets to see all your flaws up close, he'll stop being in love with you. He'll compare you with those fashion magazine models and showbiz celebrities and soon fall out of love with you. Tell me one thing, is he perfect? Does he have the kind of body that male magazine models have? Is he ready to go waxing with you and have his body hair waxed so that you can both be even? Does he have perfect hair, a perfectly spotless face? He DOESN'T! And he doesn't expect you to live up to those shitty unrealistic standards of beauty and perfection either.
AND IF HE DOES, YOU BETTER DUMP HIM RIGHT NOW, AT THIS VERY MOMENT!
I've recently watched a movie on Netflix which has helped me enormously to get over my insecurities and so I'm gonna attach a link of it's trailer right down here. Go ahead, give it a watch. I promise you won't be disappointed. Nappily Ever After (2018) trailer
Annnndddd....yes, insecurities never help. I hope this was sorta therapeutic. Just kidding. Loved your awesome blogs.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for giving it a read! Your opinion matters a lot! Stay tuned for more ♥️
DeleteBesh *laughs at my own insecurites*
ReplyDeleteWe all do that, don't we? 😂 I was legit lmao while I was writing it. I'm gonna try and upload a new blog today on how to fight insecurities. Will be extremely glad if you drop in ♥️
DeleteGood going Samragngi. This is written very well. You've portrayed a practical picture
ReplyDeleteWhoa! Great you see you here, Richa! Thank you so much! ♥️♥️♥️
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